I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
