Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
