i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
