she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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