Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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