woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
