I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
