he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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