Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
