So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this boner is exhausting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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