I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
