Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
