I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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