I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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