i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
