Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
