I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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