I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
