I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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