he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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