from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
