I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
