And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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