Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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