So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
