got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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