We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
