your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
