I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
