I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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