I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
