Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
