Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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