when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
