The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
