I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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