He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
