chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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