I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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