well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
