no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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