he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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