Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
