Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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