you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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