I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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