Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.