You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried