but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you will always have a special place in my vag
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.