New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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