unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We have so much sex to catch up on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex