I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.