My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
