just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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