Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
