Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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