Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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