I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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