i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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