her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
