'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
