So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
as a side note pls kill me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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