you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
