Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
