You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
