Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
