I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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