playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
