wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
