My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
