And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
