I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
