Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
